trying.

i am really trying very hard.
everyone expects me to accomodate.
it is hard.. tell me. how did things turn out this way?
i really feel very sad.
i'm alrd gg thru so much. here is another set of problems.
how do i help her help you?tell me..
i really feel so so away...
well, pls tell me....
coz i really feel like screaming out loud.
any longer, i cant take it anymore.

alrite man.
gotta type this damn fast.
going to SP for proj rice alr..
hmm.. i guess.. it seemed tiring.. but kinda fruitful. i can meet other pple too.. haha..
welll... gg thru alot. really alot. i seemed to be alone. thru it all

first day of sch.

hmm, i wonder who is passerby in val's blog?
well... all the best to val.. seemed to be pestering her, even though the incident is over..

sch's started for me...
first lesson- digital media. quite hopeful. still.. at least.
den was break. rushed here and there becoz of my cross-disciplinary module. wanted so much to take instrumental studies(guitar) but clash with my timetable. so sianz. ended up taking Singapore Arts Scene( theatre) gg to take up Singapore Arts Scene( fine art). gotta take 2 of Singapore art scene to grad... hmm... may as well chiong this sem... or term? i dunno...
den was alternate drawing strategies..
had to draw without seeing.. our imagination... LOL. somemore my lecturer is the HOD. Mr Boo... sigh... well, by God's grace, i guess?

First breakthru! :)

it's only the first week into the new year.
i have gotten my first breakthru. i confirmed that composing songs was my gift and i have gone beyond myself. i composed songs on adoration and salvation, which is really so unlike my style. but i guess God has much more in store for me. i'm sorry Lord for being so narrow-minded, limiting you, not acknowledging that with You, all things are possible. i limited gift of music to just like instruments, chasing after gift of music as guitar, keyboard, yet facing discouragements along the way. but i am just so in love with music. and i told myself that even if being a musician is not my calling, i still will work towards it, no matter what it takes.

even as i look back, i know i have survived by God's grace. the past that seemingly seemed so impossible to go thru, yet God held my hand, in ways i cannot see, in ways i cannot fathom. this is the goodness of God, the extent of His grace and mercy. undeserved, but yet freely He gave, sacrificing His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins, to give us newness of life, yet many times, or rather all of the time, we still fail Him, disappointing Him. freely, His grace He gives. sometimes we take for granted the grace that is freely given unto us. i have learnt that yes, i am unworthy, but God still loves me.

yesh, time for thanking pple
People from Church:
Mabel Tang Muiteck
Neo Siok Hong
Neo Siok Hoon
Amanda Ang
Amanda Tan
Jean Ho
Cheryl Chong
Pastor Mark
Patrick Chng (guitar teacher)
Aunty Ros

People from NAFA:
Jun Zhu
Susan Chia
Yang Jie
Angella
Raymond Yap
Jian Yao
Mr Zhang

Last but not least,
My Family members!

Thank you for your support in one way or another, tolerating my nonsense for the God knows how many years!

Speacial msg to Neo Siok Hong:
thank you so much for standing by me, giving in, taking all my nonsense. i will strive to be a better friend to you this yr! :)

5jan 2009 bedok reservoir view, blk 5.

today's 5 jan.
so much has happened.
i realised i cannot allow pple to keep impacting my life and me myself not doing the same to other pple. so, i've decided since God has gave me an opportunity to impact lives, i will. i will be an example to them.
today's also the deadine for my resubmission. i've got 20 skectches for my drawing and 14 more for my figure drawing. and MELODY WHAT ARE U DOING ONLINE NOW?!

i feel that u are not fit to be other pple's brother.
u dun seem to care a least bout your lil sister.
u are a great guy outside, but at home, u dun show the least concern bout your sister.
is that what a brother should be? i dun think so. it's not bout defending her. it's bout supporting her. why, oh why? mabbe u are busy, but mr, that's no excuse.

i guess i gotta think alot. bout how mabbe i can stop burdening you and start giving you support. this year, as u said is gotta be a year of responsibilities. but i assure u, that i will be there to support u, coz i know that i cannot speak into her life. pls, press in. u gotta. i will keep praying. and encouraging... keep going my dear. keep going. the joy of the Lord is your strength. i long for that bubbly laughter of yours. that spread to me like a virus. smile, fren. smile... :)