melody's virtual

radically changed.

2009-10-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

my life is radically changed, because God is in me. :)

i want to stay, right here with you, all of my days. :)

2009-10-08T04:14:00.000-07:00

I'm on 2 days mc.
feeling groggy and drowsy.
hmm... well... thank God for pple like Amanda Ang and Muiteck.
still loving me tho constantly my life's a great mess.
really appreciate such pple.
learnt alot of values from them.
i hope to pray like muiteck,
speak words of wisdom like Amanda,
think truths and hv revelation like Amanda
whoo... hmmm... i hope these dreams come thru one day..

2009-10-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

tertiary camp was awesome.
yes God, unclog my spiritual toilet bowl so that i may do so much more for you. Lord, empower me pls, for your glory.
i think i have a fear for indian boys. i collided into one of them ytd. and fell head over heels in love with them. WHAT THE HECK. i fell to the floor. my head was so pain.sheesh.
hmm.
save money!!!
Melody Goh, save money!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL

2009-09-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

whoa. ytd ps' class was really long. tho it was getting dry towards d end, but i know there surely is something that i can learn from it.
i went back to church to load in ppt for JSS. helped out with JSS stuff and prayed. prayer was awesome. God was constantly putting prayer points in me to pray. after that we went to KFC. something happened and i was really upset. but my oikos members- Bryan, Zac, Weekiat, David and Kaiming cheered me up. with all those match making qns. it was really hilarious, the stuffs they asked and all. they want to match make me and WK. =X me and him now jus buddy buddy.. at least im trying. haha.
after that Bryan wanted to go Mac so we went and ended up camwhoring, not me la, but the rest. haha. me and seesoon were like talking crap behind.
im confused. who am i really? does love really exist between church friends?

last but not least, i would like to wish Cheryl Chong:

HAPPY

BLESSED

BIRTHDAY.

(sorry for making u cry if i was the cause of it, coz honestly, i wasnt scolding you)

I HOPE THAT GOD WILL USE YOU MIGHTILY IN HIS KINGDOM AND I PRAY THAT HE WILL PRESERVE YOU AND BLESS YOU. :)

2009-09-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

hmm, my works will be put to display for sale at iluma.
will be setting up on monday and tuesday. hmm. i hope i am able to sell at least 1 work. haha.

yes, u are right. if I carry on like, the friendship will be nothing. but i would like to correct you, it is if we carry on like this, the friendship will be nothing. it takes 2 hands to clap. i am assuming my part of the responsibility of the friendship. dun try to shirk yours. friendship works both ways. i hope this friendship will work out well after the talk. i really do not wish to drag it any longer not because im impatient, but because i know the longer it takes to start mending the friendship, the more difficult it will be to mend the friendship. because we will be hurting each other with our words.

unscrew my screw up life

2009-09-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

lessons learnt @ youth ytd.
what does God wan from us, in return?
nothing much actually.
1) God wants us to love Him
2)God wants us to serve Him
3)God wants us to trust Him
4)God wants us to seek Him

very simple, but what Amanda shared is really back to basics and if our basics/foundation is not strong, then we will fall ultimately.

oh God, unscrew my screwed up life please. i jus want to get my life into order. perhaps i really need to think things thru. have a time of thinking and really reflect what i have done/acheived for God in the past 5 years in BC. i have grown, yes but i have not rised up to be who GOD called me to be. Melody, its time to wake up and stop gg ard in circles. stop wasting time and jus... rise up to be a mature person. stop all those running around, chasing joel seah and jumping. be like a mature 20 year old. for God's sake, and for yours. be a mature 20year old!

Hongy...

2009-09-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

actually i realised...
why i treasure my friendship with hong so much.
because we hv gone thru alot tgt, encouraging one another, teasing one another, went thru pains tgt. and yet the friendship is still gg strong. that is why this friendship is d one and only exception that have withstand and gone thru the test of time and that's why when we dun spend time tgt very often, we know each other still cares for the other. hey, that's a very special thing that keeps the friendship gg ya noe?
that's why when i see her cry, my heart aches. becoz she is a friend who have cheered me up and really make me peng with her lame jokes.
all my other friends, drifting furthur away each day. hoon and jean.
jus din understand why jean had to say that of me to small val. is our years of friendship/quarrels and acc partner not compared to jus these few months of knowing small val?
and hoon... you're an awesome friend. why do u want to let a few misunderstandings affect this friendship?why? and do u know this long delayed talk is doing damage to this friendship?
right now, only my frenship with hong is gg strong. hong, lets jiayou tgt okie?

a fun day

2009-09-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

today was really fun. i met val and vera for cycling at ECP. we went to eat at the lagoon there. wah, super hot. and we cycled for 2 hours. vera wanted to continue, but me and val said: you want you go yourself. we are staying here. HAHAHA. and we slacked awhile, played concentration. they cldnt make me lose. LOL. so we played chop chilli chop. den we proceeded to carl's jr. VERA took the wrong tea! WAHAHAHAHAHA... den we cycled back to the bic kiosk... den took bus to their aunt's hse. after that met hong, cheryl and aunty christine at S21. den go NTUC buy stuffs. yes! tmr they coming over to swim den val is gonna cook spaghetti. hmm. these 2 sisters really makes me laugh. the way they talk and everything.. hehe.. makes me just keep laughing.. really funny...
today was really tired. but i enjoyed it fully ttm! :D

escape

2009-09-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

i actually did not wan to go for pnp last nite.
wanted to keep myself busy, but actually i was escaping and avoiding.
i am escaping from my very good friend, Alice.
i find myself avoiding her time and again, yet at times, i can scold myself for softening my heart towards her.
i'm really troubled. i finally had the courage to bring this up to Amanda, for i feared i cannot outtalk her. and i think it is a load off my chest. but somehow i feel troubled. i felt troubled maybe because 1) i am jealous 2) because i am told my Amanda what is right and yet i see my good friend not doing it. and still saying: we are just friends. cmon i used the same tactic on Amanda and the other leaders. U think they believe? haha, don think so. well, i guess, we do need to talk. and really clarify misunderstandings that have led this friendship to wht it is right now. most of the time now, we are jus hurting one another with our words. and i know, words can kill. sigh.
i really wished for the talk to be soon. i know i want, i know Amanda is trying. but i dunno bout her. she seems to be sucha busy person that she forgets bout me. well maybe i am not important in her life, well that's fine. because i do not deserve to be important in her life.
but i dun think i ever will forget this friendship. far too important to me. You and Hong and Sophia. people who not only taught me what love is, but showed what love is all about. so thank you.
but for now, i am gg to be busy because i choose to. because i know why. i am escaping and avoiding. i do not wish to think bout this friendship till we talk with Amanda.
i wana give myself a break, something i wana be busy with. because i choose to.

updates

2009-09-07T01:29:00.000-07:00

a few weeks back, God placed within my heart towards intercession and prayer.
ytd, jon preached abt dreams. yes, some of my dreams had be diminished or dead.
and ytd, my 2 dreams revived.
1) to be an anointed guitarist who will play for God, who will bring down God's presence
2) to be an intercessor, to be a fighting warrior.

so i've decided to pray for the youth and keep the youth leaders in prayers. thank you leaders for being so willling to walk with us, run the race with us. you guys love us, so do we. :)

that unforgettable memeory, etched in my mind is like a conviction for life. this was what stopped me by doing things that i used to really struggle with. tho i do struggle with it stil, but that memory etched taught me not to do it. thank you mentor, thank you amanda. for being that support for me. i love you.

mixed feelings.

2009-06-05T01:20:00.000-07:00

im bored.
hols are here.
im bored.
cant wait for tmrw. im gg escape with jun zhu and susan.
really very excited. this is the first hols i am hanging out with my nafa friends. really very excited. jun zhu lets have fun quarrelling k? :D
results, they are coming...
oh no. Izwan got his results alrd. hmm i wonder how i will fare. im filled with excitement yet nervousness fills me. oh well.. i am jus praying real hard. haha..
hmm... later oikos coming my hse for gathering. haha. im at hoon's house now. helping her. do wht i dunno. jus bored.. lol..
breakthru. come!!! grace grace grace grace grace.......BLAHHHH!!!!!

break my heart for what break yours.

2009-05-31T21:21:00.001-07:00

break my heart for what breaks yours
show me how to love like you have loved me.

yes. when tears well up my eyes and i am on the verge of giving up, be my friend.
everything i have for your kingdom's cause.

sigh

2009-05-25T04:03:00.000-07:00

ahahaha.
after a long time, im back.
hee.
whoa.. had been gg thru a tough time yeah. bt i held on becoz i din want to fall as he did.
in fact i was closer to my nafa frens than church. i felt the bond between me and oikos was gone. im still trying to find it back. afterall it is me tt changed, not them. oh well, thats my part. i really fell.. so much so that to the crossroads i go, saying i choose God bt in d end unconsciously, or maybe consciously i go back to the world, withdraw frm church. bt all these were cling on by the twins. they kept encouraging me. bt hong, what you said really hurts like crazy, bt hey, i forgive you. :) lets be better friends ok?
well, now im back and now gg back to God. :)

i nv loved so much before. ron and stan are d only ones. and now, i realised i still love ron. sigh. will he love me back??

2009-04-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

sick sick sick.
oh my!
i pray for the grace of God.
i made a tough decision, to come to sch( im in sch now) ytd.
bt yes, it was painful.
never will i go back in again. i swore to God i quit. i want to. i really want to. it's jus tempting for me alright???

2009-04-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

assessments are drawing nearer and nearer by the days, hours, minutes, seconds.
i pray God will empower me. because my body is not taking it anymore. because i am really stressed. bt i will still spend time with God.it's my source of spiritual food man, come on.
its the final 2 weeks. den 2 months holidays. mel, press in, jus 2 more weeks and you're free...
oh God, preserve me till den. i really need you God. i need you more than jus my spiritual. im trying. im really tired now. bt im staying till 10pm today and frm next week on. so God i need you, yes i really do.

maybe im jus caught up in my own world, so pple if u see me stoning dun mind me pls.

2009-04-15T02:52:00.001-07:00

i'm really sick and tired.
all these problems getting me down.
i really gotta chiong. because assessments is early may.
so much to do. oh well... jiayou mel. u need God. u really do.
God help me! :)

it's over!!!

2009-04-12T04:30:00.000-07:00

musical's over!
it has been real tiring.
but seeing people being saved makes me feel that it's all worth it.
for the glory of God, yes it is worth it! :)
oh well, but i cant hibernate now. i gotta chiong for assessments.
i am so weak, but Lord i know you're strong.
strengthen me physically and mentally Lord. i need you.
PM, your word came in timely. i was abt to take revenge, to retailiate when u gave that word.
i was feeling weak when u gave the word tht when i am weak God is strong. yes Lord, i will song until my GOD has made a way for me. yeah, i will choose to live for you Lord.

power of the word-love

2009-04-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

how can i bear to cont my mistakes?
loving me so much, so unconditional.
so not based on whether i was nice or not.
BLESSED is the word.
2 true friends. i found 2!
helping me be less angry.
hey mel, treasure her and stop bullying her. want to bully, bully other ppl! lol..
okie i will stop bullying her.
becoz of the power of this word-love.
i shall. it is reason enough for me to stop. i should. and i would.

dun bother challenging me.
becoz i hate it.
the more u do it, the more i will make sure u get it.
piss me off and u will receive it too.
jus like how i scared t he shit out of xxxxxxx!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
DUN TRY.

bleak.

2009-04-03T09:00:00.001-07:00

when insecurities and uncertainties fill me, helplessness follow behind.
kept thinking what am i gg to do aft my nafa?
i wana study music. off i go. but whre?
it seems my future is so bleak. yet i know tt God plans for me are perfect and flawless. yes, who am i to fathom the works of God in my life? who am i to doubt?
you are the potter
i am the clay
mould me and make me
this is what i pray.

and when insecurities and uncertainties flood me, i will be still, know you are God.

I love you.

2009-03-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

when life's problem seems so tight
we're both caught up with all our might
still i choose to put aside mine
help you carry for infinite time
this is all for one purpose and cause
that is to show how much i love you.

-mel

yes i wld gladly put down my problems, becoz you showed me what it was really like to love the unlovable. to even find one true fren in itself is a blessing. but for me, i got double blessings. i have 2. =)
when i look at you, my problem seem so minute, so unimportant anymore.

goodbye past, hello future.

2009-03-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

goodbye past, you've had me twirling in your hands for 7 years.
i've got enough of getting bocked down by you.
it's high time i moved on. to where i see myself serving God faithfully, with greatness as a calling upon my life.
anger, bitterness, it's time u went as well. u've been a part of me, but i have to say goodbye as well, becoz you are hindering me in my walk with God. frm my service in the Lord.
it's time i said hello to my future, waiting for me patiently. i've kept it waiting for the longest of time. i cannot let it wait anymore. its faithfulness is not gonna be in naught.
im starting afresh today. and this will be the end of immature Mel, and the start of the mature mel. so past, bitterness, anger dun come back, if you want the better of me.

tired out.

2009-03-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

physically tired.
mentally tired, so am i.
i guess, there are many issues to deal with right now.
struggling with meeting deadlines for my assessments, with my own jealousy issue, with anything and everything else, and maybe that's why struggling so hard. i pray for strength to come and empower me. well, if i cld push all these things aside, heck, i would. and tt means running away from it. but i figured it wld take a longer cycle out. but oh well. a vicious cycle.
if it means.
my soul is crying out. i seem to go no where, no breakthrus in my life. i am praying and hoping for one. oh God, wont u hear my cry? wont you embrace me once again as i return to you? Jesus i love you. may my songs be glorifying to you, may i sing/ compose because of you.

going down.

2009-03-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

things for me has been going down.
so much so that i am fearful of coming into God's presence. even asking for forgiveness, coz i have sinned, time and again, asked for forgiveness time and again. i realy dun wana take God for granted. i really dun wana keep going and ask for forgiveness. i say im sry. i wont do it again, still i do it, time and again. but God's faithfulness nv fails. He is faithful even tho i am unfaithful.
i am really worried for hoon. i jus heard frm hong tt she has been admitted to hospital. i am jus wondering, why is it tt jus when her life is beginning to see some light, this had to happen yet again? why? frankly, i rather the one in hospital is me. becoz she has suffered enough and definitely doesnt deserve something like tt thrown at her. but yet i ask myself, have i done my part, or is it that becoz of my past hatred/ bitterness, i am suffering the consequence of my actions. i guess now a sorry would be too late. the harm has been done. i really miss the old hoon. becoz if time cld turn back, i would not let myself do such a thing to my best friend. i really wana show to her how much she has impacted my life, before hong took over, it was the toughest time both hoon and me. i was struggling with bitterness/ hatred/resentment. she was struggling with helping me and loving me the way i am. and jus becoz she has impacted me, i am unable to forget the goodness, the love of this particular friend, who loved me and nv gave up on me even when everyone else had., standing up for me when others question why does she wana be my friend. no doubt. she is a really great friend. and i love her.

KUKUP!!!

2009-03-08T03:28:00.001-07:00

IM BACK FRM KUKUP!!
4D3N OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BATHE IN A SPACIOUS TOILET WHOO!
HEHEHE...
i enjoyed my kukup trip. i bunked with junzhu, susan and angella. funny and nice pple..
we played mahjong and monopoly. it was screwed lol..
mahjong on the bed, with a board and only 9 tiles, monopoly paying jus the rent... wahahahha..
bt i enjoyed bunking with them. thks raymond! =)
the toilet and hygiene there is very dirty tho.
SO HOT!!!!! I GOT SUNBURN!!!!bt junzhu gave me lotion.. lol... so nice right?
well, pros vs cons.
singapore: clean,spacious but scheming.
kukup: dirty, squeezy but simple.
kukup, i miss u.
i will be back. =)

guitar rocks!

2009-02-21T16:52:00.000-08:00

what's with the emo blog posts i wonder?
so many are emo-ing in their blog.
some have love problem, some have friendship problem, some have work problem, studies.
well, no matter what, i know i can count on my heavenly father in everything i do. :)

yay. i finally understood what dom was saying. abt the bar chord. he explained to me many times still duno. initially i was quite scared of him, but actually he is quite nice.yess! i finally got it. thanks dom! considered God brought my guitar to a higher level. :)

and what's with the pang seh-ing? i've seriously got enough. if i had not wished tt history wld not repeat itself, i wld confront you straight in your face and ask " what's your problem?" im trying to tolerate. and guess what? i'll nv ask u stuffs abt guitar anymore. i wld rather get suan or criticised by dom than get this shit from you. coz i dun deserve this much. after teaching you all i know, with so much sincerity. search your heart, seek your conscience. do i really deserve what i am getting from you? seriously. learn to be responsible for the words you speak.

let go and move on.

2009-02-15T03:02:00.001-08:00

melody, it's really time to let go.
you've been holding on. your best friend is moving on.
he is nth. God is everythg.
Melody, wake up n move on.
cmon dun let this cripple you and make u fear. move on bravely. move in God's promises.
your best friend is there for you, cmon, move on, let go. be someone who will do great exploits for God. be a great woman, an impacter of lives.
LET GO AND MOVE ON. GOD HAS SO MUCH MORE IN STALL FOR YOU. DUN BE STUPID ANYMORE.

tireddd

2009-02-06T18:04:00.000-08:00

i know my soul is longing for God.
yet, im really tired,physically and mentally.
not sleeping well, worrying about my school.
it's really heavy...
oh God, help me. it's only you i need. nobody else, Jesus only you.
by your grace, see me thru it all..
Jesus i need you.
let there be more of you and less of me.
it is you Lord, who completes me..
fill me once again.

falling

2009-02-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

hello pple!
it's another new month...
well, if u asked i've been falling real bad.
i know my heart wants so bad to go back but yet never really did anything abt it.
i need God right now. it seems everyone else is so far. when i have my problems, they cant be there, well i dun blame them either, jus God now.
why? love in the house aint it good? why make it so difficult for each other? i really miss hoon and hong and amanda tan. my 3 closest friends. where are you?? wherever u are, whatever u are doing, i will always pray for u alright> take care.

God u gotta help me outta this. I NEED YOU!!!

trying.

2009-01-23T18:06:00.000-08:00

i am really trying very hard.
everyone expects me to accomodate.
it is hard.. tell me. how did things turn out this way?
i really feel very sad.
i'm alrd gg thru so much. here is another set of problems.
how do i help her help you?tell me..
i really feel so so away...
well, pls tell me....
coz i really feel like screaming out loud.
any longer, i cant take it anymore.

2009-01-17T16:39:00.000-08:00

alrite man.
gotta type this damn fast.
going to SP for proj rice alr..
hmm.. i guess.. it seemed tiring.. but kinda fruitful. i can meet other pple too.. haha..
welll... gg thru alot. really alot. i seemed to be alone. thru it all

first day of sch.

2009-01-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

hmm, i wonder who is passerby in val's blog?
well... all the best to val.. seemed to be pestering her, even though the incident is over..

sch's started for me...
first lesson- digital media. quite hopeful. still.. at least.
den was break. rushed here and there becoz of my cross-disciplinary module. wanted so much to take instrumental studies(guitar) but clash with my timetable. so sianz. ended up taking Singapore Arts Scene( theatre) gg to take up Singapore Arts Scene( fine art). gotta take 2 of Singapore art scene to grad... hmm... may as well chiong this sem... or term? i dunno...
den was alternate drawing strategies..
had to draw without seeing.. our imagination... LOL. somemore my lecturer is the HOD. Mr Boo... sigh... well, by God's grace, i guess?

First breakthru! :)

2009-01-07T17:13:00.001-08:00

it's only the first week into the new year.
i have gotten my first breakthru. i confirmed that composing songs was my gift and i have gone beyond myself. i composed songs on adoration and salvation, which is really so unlike my style. but i guess God has much more in store for me. i'm sorry Lord for being so narrow-minded, limiting you, not acknowledging that with You, all things are possible. i limited gift of music to just like instruments, chasing after gift of music as guitar, keyboard, yet facing discouragements along the way. but i am just so in love with music. and i told myself that even if being a musician is not my calling, i still will work towards it, no matter what it takes.

even as i look back, i know i have survived by God's grace. the past that seemingly seemed so impossible to go thru, yet God held my hand, in ways i cannot see, in ways i cannot fathom. this is the goodness of God, the extent of His grace and mercy. undeserved, but yet freely He gave, sacrificing His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins, to give us newness of life, yet many times, or rather all of the time, we still fail Him, disappointing Him. freely, His grace He gives. sometimes we take for granted the grace that is freely given unto us. i have learnt that yes, i am unworthy, but God still loves me.

yesh, time for thanking pple
People from Church:
Mabel Tang Muiteck
Neo Siok Hong
Neo Siok Hoon
Amanda Ang
Amanda Tan
Jean Ho
Cheryl Chong
Pastor Mark
Patrick Chng (guitar teacher)
Aunty Ros

People from NAFA:
Jun Zhu
Susan Chia
Yang Jie
Angella
Raymond Yap
Jian Yao
Mr Zhang

Last but not least,
My Family members!

Thank you for your support in one way or another, tolerating my nonsense for the God knows how many years!

Speacial msg to Neo Siok Hong:
thank you so much for standing by me, giving in, taking all my nonsense. i will strive to be a better friend to you this yr! :)

5jan 2009 bedok reservoir view, blk 5.

2009-01-04T16:43:00.000-08:00

today's 5 jan.
so much has happened.
i realised i cannot allow pple to keep impacting my life and me myself not doing the same to other pple. so, i've decided since God has gave me an opportunity to impact lives, i will. i will be an example to them.
today's also the deadine for my resubmission. i've got 20 skectches for my drawing and 14 more for my figure drawing. and MELODY WHAT ARE U DOING ONLINE NOW?!

i feel that u are not fit to be other pple's brother.
u dun seem to care a least bout your lil sister.
u are a great guy outside, but at home, u dun show the least concern bout your sister.
is that what a brother should be? i dun think so. it's not bout defending her. it's bout supporting her. why, oh why? mabbe u are busy, but mr, that's no excuse.

i guess i gotta think alot. bout how mabbe i can stop burdening you and start giving you support. this year, as u said is gotta be a year of responsibilities. but i assure u, that i will be there to support u, coz i know that i cannot speak into her life. pls, press in. u gotta. i will keep praying. and encouraging... keep going my dear. keep going. the joy of the Lord is your strength. i long for that bubbly laughter of yours. that spread to me like a virus. smile, fren. smile... :)

youth camp

2008-12-29T16:46:00.000-08:00

i'm finally back from youth camp.
somehow, i been set free frm my sins.
somehow, i thought that there was reconciliation between me and her, it turned out, my presence only made her feel worst. oh God, i pray you'll help her. i pray you walk thru this with her.
i knew God was there, but somehow could not really experience Him. i felt like something was holding me back. we had sessions and i knew God wanted to deal with that part of my life. he did. i mustered up courage to tell pastor mark and muiteck. it took alot of me to do this. ALOT. i jus hope that they will not see me as a different person. or condemn me.

i felt that they were overboard. i felt that they were ganging up against people they dun like. i felt that they were mean. yet, i cant do anything. sigh.

my birthday.

2008-12-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

ytd was a horrible day.
it was my birthday. it was supposed to be happy, but im not.
im really sorry... your sister made me see the point. i realised my wrong. thanks for forgiving me, my dear. thanks for everything. and sorry for everything.
christmas dinner at muiteck's was fun. her nephew is cute. and her mom is sweet. i eneded up washing the plates and bowls n utensils. coz i felt like playing with water. lol.. den we exchanged presents.. i took this bread frm action city. but i changed it with hoon.. lol...
" surprise" birthday cake... i was like so "surprised" hahahahahaha...

crap

2008-12-17T00:17:00.000-08:00

i'm alrd tired enough.
i believe u are too.
here am i trying to curb my temper, u jolly well do that too.
i daren't say that bout myself, if u read my previous post, but heck, how many actually knows this stupid blog of mine. not many i would say...
it's high time u stop your sarcasm. coz its getting me on my nerves.

who are u, actually? get me outta your face? n get your sister to shut up too.stop irritating me when im tired. now, go away.

crap. im on medicine. glue ear's what the doc said, tmr i gotta go and get that damn fluid out of my ear. but heck, anw. im busying...
musical prac
carolling
youth camp
100 sketches for drawing
14 skerches for figure
my undone oil painting on canvas.
God help me.

busy busy... like a bee..

2008-12-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

gonna be busy busy busy..
musical pracs, carolling, camp.
gonna be tired out, but i know, it's all worth it. =)

what did i do to deserve such a friend like you?
NOTHING. absolutely nothing..
a friend who stood by me, a friend who still remained a friend even when i was mean.
crap. melody, u should stop it.. you really should. she doesn't deserve such a friend like you.
begin to put your words into actions. stop making things difficult for her... start to love her in actions.. it's enough. melody, it's really enough. she is a thing of your past, present and future. she will be. just because she is frm your past does not mean she deserves such a treatment. i know you're fearful. i know that you cannot get over your past. but move on. it is time to move on. those who has hurt you cant hurt you anymore. she has always been that faithful friend. move on gal. stop thinking of the past and move on. you owe her more than just a big sorry. move on with her as your best friend. know that she will never intentionally hurt you. trust her, alright?

and what makes you think that i aint doing anything?
come on. stop imposing your positions in BB in church.
coz BB and church has different ways of doing things..
and seriously, whatever it is, dun try to piss me off.
i'm looking for the props and you're telling me that im not doin anything??
pls, check your facts first.
now im beginning to think, what values BB is teaching.
dun try to be a male chauvinist in front of me. seriously.

standing firm

2008-12-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

are leaders supposed to discourage?
i mean, to tell me straight in the face that that may not be my calling after i've been pursuing that for so many years, come on, they are just basing it on the fact that they're not seeing any fruits.
i asked God.
1st confirmation: stand firm.
2nd confirmation: stand for what u believe in, even if it means standing alone. (what amanda said to be previously which i kinda forgot)
3rd confirmation: persevere
i asked God yet again. but why is it that no fruits are seen? He gave me an illustration of the wine. the wine will taste best if it is given time. so will i. my dear leaders.
but i'm saying that even IF that is not my gifting, i still want to be a musician and i will do what it takes, even if it means sleepless nights. i am not being arrogant here, but i'm saying, that i'm not gonna give up pursuing what God has placed in my heart.
it's either u support me or u dun.
however, i will still respect and obey your authority, because i know that God placed you guys in my life for a purpose.

happy!

2008-12-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

i not only got friendship reconciled, i got a band!
bryan- guitar
melody-keyboard
zac-bass
sam- drums
kee meng n gwen- vocals.
michelle lim- back up keyboardist

cool right?? :)

thank bryan manz... for carrying the 10kg amp plus the heavy electric guitar. all the way frm lor melayu to lor marzuki.. lol... poor u..

mich's hse was cool... we kinda jammed there.. hahaha... took some photos.. cool shit. mich, u are cool...

i got a new phone. out of all my phones this is the coolest shit ever. it's samusung touchscreen. lol..

imma happy person now... i love my life, i love my God, i love my frens, i love my family.. most of all, im a blessed creation! xD

cool week.

2008-12-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

today will be the day i start on my work since last wk was jammed packed.
wed-fri- kids camp.
whoo! it melts my heart to see the innocence of kids and seeing them worshipping God coz u know they mean what they're singing. and it really touching to see them receiving the baptism of the holy spirit. whoo... it's exciting manz.

sat-youth
like memorial service like that. sad sad. youth on sat gonna be changed to sun to combine with the sss. but well, i guess it's all for the better of us. we gonna be united. the sss are youths too.

sun- caroling prac then cycling followed by sleepover.
caroling practices sucks without the pple. val, hong, stan, jean, hoon,gordon, vera, charissa. come back leh! caroling is like so sucky now...
cycling was uber cool... i went with zen, zoey, james, atwell and kearney. LOL.it was fun... i realised aunty samantha and uncle donald is uber cool parents... before we slept, we prayed...
poor kearney... zen talked to him till late.. he woke up the latest.

monday- cyclin again!
only i cycled. i tried blading but comedy.
Melody was bladin down a slight slope and cld not stop.zoey was like asking her to brake. then atwell stood in front of her and tried to stop her. imagine atwell's weight and melody's weight. hahaha.. we both fell and atwell was like " my leg my leg!" LOL.

so today will be chionging and chionging... later got guitar lesson. really thk patrick. he doen't even want lunch.. good teacher man. hehe... i got fate with the adults wor.. they adore me. heehee...

break free

2008-11-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

okie, i guess.. this holiday is not to be enjoyed at all.
the lecturers called me in. Mr Boo, Mr Zhang, Mr Chiew n Raymond. they sat me down, asked me questions. they gave me projects of which i gotta complete by 5 jan 2009. what i got was, i got E for all 3 of my major modules. okie, i was like.. okies, i'll do it. i cld not show the sadness on my face. i din want my parents to know. i din want them to keep bugging me.
but well, i dunno who to talk to or what to say. well, i hate to say this, but frankly... why am i doing all these? sigh.
i have decided to love bryan, after gg thru all the torment. coz i wana be set free and move on. i wana rise up, be the musician who's heart is after God.
so, jiayou mel.. u've got lots to handle. but God will hold your hand and walk with u thru. this is your assurance. He will lift u up and nv let u down :)

complete in You

2008-11-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

rushing assessments. i never saw myself that hardworking b4.never. but well... assessments are over, hols are here, but cant seem to experience that joy n excitement. only worries n sian-ness.
afterall, i cant run away forever. i gotta face it even tho i dread it. here i am oh God.
thank God for samuel padolina. he introduced this song. complete. man, that was the song in season for me. so as i spend time in God's presence, i pray God will heal me and make me whole, that he will enable me to face bryan and love him like a friend. even tho, it is a sensitive part of me, yes it is, but seriously, get over it mel and rise up. u cant keep falling like that. i will rise up someday. somehow... we will see how God will deal with your arrogance. now is my season, so i will face it and let God mold me.

here i am oh God
i bring this sacrifice
my open heart
i offer up my life

i look to you Lord
your love that never ends
restores me again

so i lift my eyes to you Lord
in your strength will i breakthru Lord
touch me now
let your love fall down on me
i know your love dispels all my fears
thru the storm i will hold on Lord
and by faith i will walk on Lord
then i'll see beyond my calvary one day
and i will be complete in you.

jiayou mel!

2008-11-11T16:48:00.000-08:00

counting down to assessments...
rushing projects and everything... manz.. it's crazy..
i'm seriously stressed. i realised i've nv been so serious bout sch.
i ask myself: issit coz of problems i faced in church tts why im running away, turning to school instead? i really dunno. all i know is that im really to focus.. focus mel.
dun let anything pull u down. u've come thus far. 2nd yr in nafa alrd. cannot afford to give up now.
can a big apology change anything? NO, it cant.. what u inflicted upon me is definitely more than jus an emotional wound. it is also a physical and mental wound, one i'll never forgive. i forgave u so many times, but u hurt me time and again and with each time more serious the hurt. you'll never read this blog post. now, go away. get out of my life. i hate you. i loved u with all my heart, no matter how many times, i still forgave. now, u've totally broken my heart. now, go.

your arrogance will kill u.

2008-11-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

i enjoyed seeing ure arrogance teared last night.
i hate to see u being arrogant carrying that guitar walking here and there.
i hate it even more when i asked u to stop and u did not!
so get off. u came to this oikos to wreak havoc in my life.
respect others and do not always do what u like.
dun. dun make me deflate your arrogance myself. dun.
i'm facing so much in my life and i do not need you to add on further.
i hate your arrogance. i really do. now dun make me hate you.
dun try.
go away. stop flaunting ure skills. your passion has turned into show off, a kind of performance to me. dare u say that u only wana serve God? oh please. u can lie to mui teck and the rest. u can even lie to yourself. but u can never lie to God. He knows the condition of your heart. wana rise up? here'a a piece of advice. stop being arrogant. that's my piece my advice. probably even shit to you. but hell.. u probably wont even see this post anyway. im not intending for it anyway. so yeah...
let's wait and see.
smirk.

tiring.... ANGRY!!!

2008-11-07T00:08:00.001-08:00

it's been a long and tiring week.
as u pple know, MELODY NEVER DOES STAY BACK IN SCH! time's up, okie u see no more of me.. but this week, MELODY STAYED BACK IN SCH TILL 10 FRM MONDAY TO THURS!!!okies, it was tiring. but i know it was all for the better for my assessment which is in 2 weeks time.
and what spurred me on was, my dearest nafa friends! Jun Zhu, Susan, Yang Jie, Yip Kai, Angella.. they were really great friends. spurring me on jus guiding me, this martian friend of theirs... simply love u guys manz! :)
assessment is nxt week and it is killing me... but no worries, i will go thru it. :)

and you!!! how dare u say 对牛谈琴！！！HOW DARE YOU??! U ARE TALKING TO A PERSON WHO KNOWS GUITAR AND KEYBOARD. EXCUSE ME, U FREAK!!!! who do u think u are?? leaving your mess for US to clear?? jus get the hell off nafa. sucker!!!

urgh

2008-10-30T03:20:00.000-07:00

if u think by doing this, it makes u happier, ure wrong.
u only make us shun you. u only make me feel more disgusted.
u only make me despise u.
like she is so nice to u. how cld u say that of her?
if u think u can get away, dream on.

cringing pain

2008-10-28T04:41:00.000-07:00

why???
i often ask God why?
he allowed this to happen.
my heart is cringing. i'm totally in pain.
pain that is indescribable.
tears welling up my eyes.
i told myself: Melody Goh, you're not to cry! stop it! stop crying.
still the tears came raining down the moment i heard hong's voice.
im trying to be strong. i really am. strong front that has already become part of me.
a habit hard to kick. i lie not coz i want to, but coz it's already part of me.
stop pushing me. either u support me or u dun. im already at a corner. stop pushing me.

i fear.

2008-10-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

welcome to my blog.
after so long of not blogging, i am so out of touch from blogging.
i decided to blog because i hate the fact of expressing myself openly.
i decided this will be the place i rant. this will be the place i will express my inner tots and life.

i wonder why my life is so my life.

i lost it, i blew it.
my dreams i screwed it.
regrets, i do indeed
it is the knitter at work
to ensure the finest piece
to present to the master

-Melody Goh

This is the poem that expresses how i feel right now.
yes, i blew it.
yes i screwed it.

all i need, is time to heal, to deal with my issues.
nothing more and nothing less.
my mentor- stupid geek is helping me.
all about me, she knows it all.